Four Loko = Freedom

THIS WAR OF AGGRESSION AGAINST FOUR LOKO WILL NOT BE MET WITH SILENCE. A HOUSE DIVIDED SHALL NOT STAND.
Join The Free Loko Movement on Facebook or Twitter at @freeLOKOdotcom

Although we are fighting a war, be responsible: How Drinking Really Affects Your Driving

When Push Comes to Chug

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Crack Open Your Beers.

The fine people at FreeLoko have had enough. The founding member of this movement, Angela Davis, has urged you to take a the pacifist approach and write a letter to the President. I have several problems with this: (1) I never learned how to use a Word Processor, and (2) I know the Obama Administration will casually forget to reimburse me for the money I spend on postage to send my letter (just like “President” Obama forgot his birth certificate in 2008).

Writing letters and emails will only clog Presidential paper shredders and cause our legislators’ unpaid interns’ fingers to cramp up clicking the Delete button. What then to do? How do we show them we mean business?

Rather than firing off an email, fire a few rounds into your nearest City Hall.

I, Abraham Drinkin’, promise to get all of you out of any legal trouble, should you be stupid enough to forget to flush your guns down a storm drain. Once I finish my paralegal certification correspondence course (which will happen as soon as I [1] learn how to use a Word Processor and [2] save enough money to pay for postage), I will get you out of jail for a nominal fee.

So crack a can of Loko, chamber a round, and light up Washington with your discontent. Tell ’em Abraham Drinkin’ sent you. But don’t tell anybody that who might be able to get me in trouble. I’m on parole, and I really don’t want any problems.

This entry was written by Abraham Drinkin', posted on November 19, 2010 at 2:55 am, filed under FDA is Racist, Four Loko, Obama Administration is Wack. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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