Some people just assume that Four Loko is a new phenomenon because it only appeared on the shelves recently. This post will DEBUNK this mis-truth, most likely created by some Liberal Lie Factory™, by showing you some famous Four Loko moments throughout history.
Lets start at the beginning. Of history that is.
Dateline: One billion years BC: When God asked Abraham to sacrifice his Lemonade Four Loko on Mount Moriah as a test of his faith, the Angel of God stops him at the last minute. Good looking out for a cool bro with a sweet beard, Angel.
Dateline: The Revolutionary War like 300 and some years ago. Pictured here, George Washington doesn’t break a sweat while his less important crew members paddle him across the Deleware River. There, he finds the British’s secret stockpile of Loko floating there, ready for the taking. (Note, before the invention of refrigeration, it was common for soldiers to leave their malt liquor tall boys in cold rivers so they wouldn’t get warm and nasty.)
Washington stole the Lokos boosting American soldier morale and drunkeness by 1000%. The courage of alcohol combined with the lazer-sharp awareness of caffeine allowed America to win the Revolutionary War by three points in double overtime with only two seconds left on the clock.
More scenes from Four Loko history to come.