Four Loko = Freedom

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Although we are fighting a war, be responsible: How Drinking Really Affects Your Driving

The Intoxication Proclamation

Here, we have a friend of liberty, guest poster Abraham Drinkin’

FourScore and Seven Seven and Sevens Ago, I was informed that the cruelty of evil men was overrunning the freedoms our forefathers fought so valiantly to deny. The FDA, which they claim stands for the Food and Drug Administration, but most likely ACTUALLY means Fraternity of (non)Drinking Assholes, have deemed it necessary to strip the common man of HIS right to poison himself in any way he sees fit.

I emphasize the He, because the fairer sex usually opts out of riding the Four Train, in favor of wine coolers or vodka cranberry. Were these flavors integrated into the FourLoko pantheon, perhaps equality could have been achieved in our society? Do you know that, even today, a woman’s drink still contains 7/10ths the alcohol-by-volume of a man’s? I ask you- is that justice?

Friends, I find it rather insulting in an age that we can allow two men to marry, a man still does not have the right to drink a vaguely grape-flavored beverage that will not allow him to drive a vehicle. And if he does, he’s treated like some sort of irresponsible criminal!

I promise you here and now, as we stand with our necks firmly under the boot of President Barack Obummer, that this ruthless aggression will not stand! I urge you, my drunken Americans, to take umbrage to this fact. As several of the discredited journalists on this site have mentioned, a race war is inevitable, but it could have easily been avoided if we had real democracy.

Where was my choice on that ballot I didn’t fill out because I was too lazy to vote? We are given to the “choice” to elect terrorists like Jerry Brown or Bristol Palin to the next round of Dancing With The Stars, but we’re not free to decide which drinks will give us splitting headaches? I don’t know about you, but the FDA is not my mother — she would be way cooler about this but that’s mostly because she wouldn’t know, since I drink in my room after she falls asleep.

Elliot Ness would be rolling in his grave, if he were dead.

This entry was written by Abraham Drinkin', posted on November 19, 2010 at 1:26 am, filed under Prohibition, Race War Probable, Unconstitutional. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

God Is Dead

Illumnati spies banning Four Loko
Illumnati spies banning Four Loko

The manufacturer of popular caffeinated alcohol drink Four Loko said Tuesday it will remove the caffeine from its products, pulling the blend off the market just as the Food and Drug Administration is poised to ban it.

Taking the caffeine out of Four Loko is like taking FREEDOM out of the BILL OF RIGHTS. This is just another chance for George Bush’s Secret Police to police my body. You can take the caffeine out of Four Loko but you can never take the willingness to get blackout drunk away from high schoolers.

That’s the REAL TRUTH that the liberal media is too afraid to tell you. Don’t waste your life watching DANCING WITH THE STARS when there’s real truth going on everywhere. What side are you gonna be on in the BATTLE FOR FOUR LOKO?

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on November 18, 2010 at 3:50 pm, filed under Four Loko, Prohibition, Real Truth. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Four Loko Vigil

Four Loko Party
A small crowd slowly gathered in Union Square yesterday evening. They lit candles, drank out of paper bags, and traded stories about “crazy partying” and “blacking out.” A woman passed out postcards offering download codes for free songs from the Scott Pilgrim Vs the World soundtrack. It wasn’t your typical crowd of skate punks and chess playing hobos.

Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech or the right of the people peaceably to assemble OR TO DRINK GRAPE FLAVORED HIGH GRAVITY ALCOHOL


This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on at 8:00 am, filed under Four Loko, Prohibition, Unconstitutional. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Remember the Date

On November 17th, The U.S. Food and Drug Administration told the manufacturers of seven caffeinated alcoholic beverages Wednesday that their drinks are a “public health concern” and can’t stay on the market in their current form.

The move follows a year-long review by the FDA, which gave the companies 15 days to either reformulate their products or face possible seizure under federal law

The FDA is a menace that needs to be stopped. THE FDA SPREAD AIDS TO THE INNER CITY. I wrote a book report about it.

What government organization do you think gave Smallpox Blankets to the Native Americans like all the time back in the day? The Tennessee Valley Authority? Nah man, know your history.

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on at 7:01 am, filed under Four Loko, Prohibition. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.