Although we are fighting a war, be responsible: How Drinking Really Affects Your Driving
This bro got Loko’d IN the store! He should have seen the sign behind him and known what was up!
All you need is a can of Four Loko and an unwitting friend. The rules of the game are simple:
1. Keep your can hidden
2. Act as if a maneuver is not going to be cunningly pulled, and…
3. BAM — present your friend with a can of Loko. He must get on a knee and chug the whole Four Loko before he realizes that it might kill him
This is called Bros Lokoing Bros, and it’s sweeping the nation! Personally, we love the trend, because it means a party can break out anywhere provided someone’s got a concealed Loko and a bro.
Rule #4: Even there’s a small probability that you won’t die if you chug two Four Lokos back-to-back, you should not Loko a bro more than once without performing the Last Rites of whatever religious faith your bro practices.
This bro got Loko’d at a press conference! With another Four Loko in front of him! Someone must have seen his tie!
Here at Free Loko we’re getting reports of increasing instances of Bros Lokoing Bros in increasingly elaborate manners. One Four Local created a system of pulleys to gently drop a can into his roommates bed, while another froze a can into a giant ice sculpture at a millionaire’s birthday.
One brave Four Local delivering food and medical supplies dropped a crate of Four Loko onto an African village, thereby making the party an international affair. Hats off to this devil-may-care pilot!
This bro got Loko’d at a press conference, too! In front of his mom! Harsh.
We regret to already report one death resulting from a Lokoing gone wrong. If you think this is bad for the cause, it’s not because the deceased never had a drop of the tasty malt beverage. Instead, his friends hid a can in the microwave and the poor soul turned it on without looking inside. Instead of a party blowing up, HE blew up.
Hopefully these brave bros will get smart and Loko people who have never had the drink before. This would not only make the party grow in ways never before imagined, but it will introduce all of America to the splendor of Four Loko. Maybe the President will even get Loko’d by the Speaker of the House and change his tune on the ban.