Four Loko = Freedom

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Although we are fighting a war, be responsible: How Drinking Really Affects Your Driving

Four Locals: Keeping Hope Alive, Keeping Houses Warm

We at Free Loko love to hear about our Four Locals railing against authority and partaking in delicious drinks regardless of unfair government bans. Reader “Mos Stef” posted the above image from her housewarming party with the following “Tweet”:

My haus-warming party is gonna get a bit… Loko. Artie just surprised me with a wide selection. Holy shit.

Hats off to “Artie,” whoever he/she may be. We’ll politely ignore the irrelevant Joose on the right.

Send us pics of YOUR Four Loko acts of rebellion: angela [at] freeloko (dot) com

This entry was written by Four Loko Che Guevara, posted on November 25, 2010 at 7:15 pm, filed under Four Locals, Four Loko. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

New Exciting Trend: Bros Lokoing Bros

This bro got Loko’d IN the store! He should have seen the sign behind him and known what was up!

All you need is a can of Four Loko and an unwitting friend. The rules of the game are simple:

1. Keep your can hidden

2. Act as if a maneuver is not going to be cunningly pulled, and…

3. BAM — present your friend with a can of Loko. He must get on a knee and chug the whole Four Loko before he realizes that it might kill him

He has to chug all the Four Loko before he realizes it might kill him

This is called Bros Lokoing Bros, and it’s sweeping the nation! Personally, we love the trend, because it means a party can break out anywhere provided someone’s got a concealed Loko and a bro.

Rule #4: Even there’s a small probability that you won’t die if you chug two Four Lokos back-to-back, you should not Loko a bro more than once without performing the Last Rites of whatever religious faith your bro practices.

This bro got Loko’d at a press conference! With another Four Loko in front of him! Someone must have seen his tie!

Here at Free Loko we’re getting reports of increasing instances of Bros Lokoing Bros in increasingly elaborate manners. One Four Local created a system of pulleys to gently drop a can into his roommates bed, while another froze a can into a giant ice sculpture at a millionaire’s birthday.

One brave Four Local delivering food and medical supplies dropped a crate of Four Loko onto an African village, thereby making the party an international affair. Hats off to this devil-may-care pilot!

This bro got Loko’d at a press conference, too! In front of his mom! Harsh.

We regret to already report one death resulting from a Lokoing gone wrong. If you think this is bad for the cause, it’s not because the deceased never had a drop of the tasty malt beverage. Instead, his friends hid a can in the microwave and the poor soul turned it on without looking inside. Instead of a party blowing up, HE blew up.

Hopefully these brave bros will get smart and Loko people who have never had the drink before. This would not only make the party grow in ways never before imagined, but it will introduce all of America to the splendor of Four Loko. Maybe the President will even get Loko’d by the Speaker of the House and change his tune on the ban.

This entry was written by Four Loko Che Guevara, posted on November 24, 2010 at 8:08 pm, filed under Bros Lokoing Bros, Four Locals, Four Loko, Loko Trends. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Best Coast Drinks Four Loko

Despite the FDA’s banning of God’s own ambrosia, Four Loko, America’s artists are taking a stand against the tyranny of prohibition to become supporters of the cause, also known as Four Locals. Take, for example, Best Coast (I can’t tell if that’s her name or the band’s name — more research needed), proudly showing off her watermelon flavor can to the entire internet, INCLUDING PRESIDENT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA.


(more research has been done: her band’s name is Best Coast, her name is Beth Coast)

This entry was written by Four Loko Che Guevara, posted on November 21, 2010 at 1:55 am, filed under Drinking Makes Teenagers Cool, Famous Four Locals, Four Locals. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.