Four Loko = Freedom

THIS WAR OF AGGRESSION AGAINST FOUR LOKO WILL NOT BE MET WITH SILENCE. A HOUSE DIVIDED SHALL NOT STAND.
Join The Free Loko Movement on Facebook or Twitter at @freeLOKOdotcom

Although we are fighting a war, be responsible: How Drinking Really Affects Your Driving

The Truth is on Youtube

The Truth is on Youtube. The Free Loko cause has been taken to the streets, outside the grasp of CORPORATE MEDIA and WALMART and into the hands of WE THE PEOPLE™. I present: “Let’s Save the Loko”

Lyrics: Adam Walker & Zach Friedberg
Music: Adam Walker

Adam sounds plays guitar like a young Bob Dylan and sings like a young Billie Joe Armstrong. Billie Dylan, maybe?

LYRICS

Chorus:

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
I want my coffee mixed with a beer

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
Write to your congressmen tell them you care

Verse 1:

Now I like my coffee and I like my liquor
It gets me drunk quicker and keeps me awake

Hey Uncle Sam keep away from my can
I just don’t understand why you take it away

Chorus:

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
I want my coffee mixed with a beer

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
Write to your congressmen tell them you care

Verse 2:

When I reach for the shelf I can think for myself
I don’t need your opinion on what I can drink

They like to deride it but they’ve never tried it
The Congress is acting like the communists think

Chorus:

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
I want my coffee mixed with a beer

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
Write to your congressmen tell them you care

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on December 1, 2010 at 12:22 am, filed under Activist Art, Big Announcement, Drinking Makes Teenagers Cool. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Caffeine-Free Is a Four Letter Word

Another guest-editorial from Four Loko advocate, Abraham Drinkin’ seen here in this recent press photo care of the Pinellas County correction facility:

Abraham Drinkin's most recent press photo care of the Pinellas County correctional system

Dearest FourLocals,

While we’re all in agreement that the Federal Douchebag Ass-ociation has several unconstitutional, race-related motivations for FourLoko, the major one being argued by these pussies is that the caffeine is gonna mess with the health of all the underaged kids that are lucky enough to have older brothers and sisters or chill as hell parents. From what I understand, the people at Fort Loko are caving to the pressure and wanting to remove the caffeine, but will it be the same? FourLoko is a work of mass-produced, mass-consumed art. If you take the caffeine out, you may as well take the alcohol, taurine, and guarine. Then what do we have? Canned water, which is RACIST. If you have to ask me why, you’re racist too.

The fact is that drinking makes teenagers feel like adults, and prepares them for the harsh world of college, where either you bro down or fag up. Either way you gotta rock a FourLoko or get rocked. Statistically, towns with schools in which FourLoko has been removed have experienced a 40% decrease in slutty behavior, fighting, and shirtlessness. I know I like to take my shirt off, fight, and grab a  slampiece EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND, and the only fuel that gives me the confidence and lack-of-understanding-of-what-no-means is FOURLOKO.

Kids are gonna drink coffee, and kids are gonna drink booze, and Loko offers the best of both words in one convenient, cool-looking can. If you don’t keep caffeine in the can, all they’re gonna do is get high on beers and then drive their Honda Elements down to Starbucks — a company that funds Israeli terrorism by the way. A Loko in the morning gives you the stamina to stay awake during the day, but gets you super roasted, so you can be super cool and fit in. If you think everyone else in your freshman algebra class isn’t drunk, then you need to pound another Grape or Watermelon, bro. Plus coffee burns the tongue, which makes communicating with honeydips extra hard, you feel me?

Taking the caffeine out of FourLoko was probably those dudes’ compromise to avoid getting banned, but you know what they say: outlaw FourLoko, and only Outlaws will be getting blitz.

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION can make us all have healthcare, but what good is insurance if you can’t make your liver go Loko?

Many thanks to the local Pinellas County Florida police department for allowing Abraham to publish his blog

This entry was written by Abraham Drinkin', posted on November 23, 2010 at 4:24 am, filed under Drinking Makes Teenagers Cool, Famous Four Locals, FDA is Racist, Know Your History, Useful Stuff. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Best Coast Drinks Four Loko

Despite the FDA’s banning of God’s own ambrosia, Four Loko, America’s artists are taking a stand against the tyranny of prohibition to become supporters of the cause, also known as Four Locals. Take, for example, Best Coast (I can’t tell if that’s her name or the band’s name — more research needed), proudly showing off her watermelon flavor can to the entire internet, INCLUDING PRESIDENT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA.

KEEP HOPE ALIVE, MRS. BEST COAST. NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW.

(more research has been done: her band’s name is Best Coast, her name is Beth Coast)

This entry was written by Four Loko Che Guevara, posted on November 21, 2010 at 1:55 am, filed under Drinking Makes Teenagers Cool, Famous Four Locals, Four Locals. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Talking to your teen about Four Loko

In “Talking to your teen about Four Loko” this old out of touch honky claims that “alcohol consumption is [far more dangerous] for teenage drinkers.” Maybe, maybe not. I’m not a scientist.

But would you seriously trust this SLAVE OWNER to teach your kids about Four Loko?

Would you seriously trust this SLAVE OWNER to teach your kids about Four Loko?

This is how I’d teach my kids about Four Loko:

Merry Christmas Four Loko

Merry Christmas. They’ll be the only ones to survive the impending Chinese Invasion this December.

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on November 20, 2010 at 1:05 am, filed under Drinking Makes Teenagers Cool, Four Loko. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.