Four Loko = Freedom

THIS WAR OF AGGRESSION AGAINST FOUR LOKO WILL NOT BE MET WITH SILENCE. A HOUSE DIVIDED SHALL NOT STAND.
Join The Free Loko Movement on Facebook or Twitter at @freeLOKOdotcom

Although we are fighting a war, be responsible: How Drinking Really Affects Your Driving

The Truth is on Youtube

The Truth is on Youtube. The Free Loko cause has been taken to the streets, outside the grasp of CORPORATE MEDIA and WALMART and into the hands of WE THE PEOPLE™. I present: “Let’s Save the Loko”

Lyrics: Adam Walker & Zach Friedberg
Music: Adam Walker

Adam sounds plays guitar like a young Bob Dylan and sings like a young Billie Joe Armstrong. Billie Dylan, maybe?

LYRICS

Chorus:

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
I want my coffee mixed with a beer

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
Write to your congressmen tell them you care

Verse 1:

Now I like my coffee and I like my liquor
It gets me drunk quicker and keeps me awake

Hey Uncle Sam keep away from my can
I just don’t understand why you take it away

Chorus:

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
I want my coffee mixed with a beer

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
Write to your congressmen tell them you care

Verse 2:

When I reach for the shelf I can think for myself
I don’t need your opinion on what I can drink

They like to deride it but they’ve never tried it
The Congress is acting like the communists think

Chorus:

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
I want my coffee mixed with a beer

Let’s save the Loko
Bring back the Loko
Write to your congressmen tell them you care

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on December 1, 2010 at 12:22 am, filed under Activist Art, Big Announcement, Drinking Makes Teenagers Cool. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

United We Stand?

For the sake of being fair and balanced, we’re posting this guest editorial that isn’t 100% committed to the cause of BRINGING DOWN THE SYSTEM via Four Loko.

Church Lady

To the editors at http://www.freeloko.com,

My name is Anne Dush (pronounced like “Bush” only with a “D” instead of a “B” where
the “B” is in “Bush”). I am 47 years old and live in Evansville, IN. This morning, while
searching the World Wide Web to find the FOXNEWS.com websight, I stumbled across your
http://www.freeloko.com. I was horrifically surprised by what I saw. I expected a websight
dedicated to helping consumers find discounts on “Lavender Orchard Kegel Ointment” so I could
buy some for my pregnant sister. When I saw what your sight was really about, I was
surprisingly horrified. You see, my son recently passed away. Although he died of causes not
related to your Four Loko drink like those poor boys in Washington state (not Washington, D.C.),
any cause or movement dedicated to a product which kills and corrupts our youths makes me
sickeningly horrified and surprisingly sickened.

What makes me even more upset is the way in which your organization has aligned itself
with the Tea Party Movement
. My husband and I are members of the Tea Party. We Tea
Partiers are not terrorists or extremists. We are just ordinary citizens who are extremely terrified
by the democrats and the black in office in Washington D.C. (not Washington state). We want
the government to get its grubby coal-colored hands off our money and freedoms just as much as
you do. But quite frankly, you and your radical friends have gone too far.

I never thought I would see the day when I would side with democrats, but those folks
from Washington state (not George, Washington, but probably from Olympia) are doing what it
takes to protect their children. As much as I hate big government, some regulations are O.K as
long as they protect families and morals and keep God in schools. My son died of a lack of faith.
The doctors say it was the fall off the 7th story of that parking garage after he had been drinking
some drink called “Sparks” with friends, but I know it was a lack of faith that put him in the
ground. If only his school had forced him and his classmates to learn about creation and the
Good Book from an early age, he never would have gotten mixed up with those Jewish boys who
forced him to drink that evil drink.

I am asking you to stand down and not support this drink or stand in the way of the
government’s regulations prohibiting Four Loko. If you had children, you would understand. No
one wants to see their children influenced by the radical ideas published on your websight. Your
websight is killing our children. Please stop. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Anne Dush

P.S. I am not opposed to you publishing your websight in Spanish.

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on November 26, 2010 at 6:57 am, filed under Four Loko, Guest Editorial, Tea Party. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Scenes from Four Loko History

Some people just assume that Four Loko is a new phenomenon because it only appeared on the shelves recently. This post will DEBUNK this mis-truth, most likely created by some Liberal Lie Factory™, by showing you some famous Four Loko moments throughout history.

Lets start at the beginning. Of history that is.

Not pictured here is God, who at 2 billion years old, is slightly older than Four Loko

Dateline: One billion years BC: When God asked Abraham to sacrifice his Lemonade Four Loko on Mount Moriah as a test of his faith, the Angel of God stops him at the last minute. Good looking out for a cool bro with a sweet beard, Angel.

No-one believed in George Washingtons Four Loko strategy until it won the war

Dateline: The Revolutionary War like 300 and some years ago. Pictured here, George Washington doesn’t break a sweat while his less important crew members paddle him across the Deleware River. There, he finds the British’s secret stockpile of Loko floating there, ready for the taking. (Note, before the invention of refrigeration, it was common for soldiers to leave their malt liquor tall boys in cold rivers so they wouldn’t get warm and nasty.)

Washington stole the Lokos boosting American soldier morale and drunkeness by 1000%. The courage of alcohol combined with the lazer-sharp awareness of caffeine allowed America to win the Revolutionary War by three points in double overtime with only two seconds left on the clock.

More scenes from Four Loko history to come.

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on November 23, 2010 at 5:04 am, filed under Feature Article, Four Loko, Know Your History. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Partnership with the Tea Party

A New Collaboration between the Four Loko Movement and the Tea Party

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

We here at FreeLoko.com are excited to announce that the bigwigs of the Free Loko Movement are in talks with the biggerwigs of the Tea Party movement to unleash a new Free Loko Party to run in the public elections for the next several centuries or millenia (whichever comes first).

Though the partnership seems unlikely, our two organizations found some common ground. We at Free Loko needed the fervor and moxy of the Tea Party to increase our profile in the public sphere. Meanwhile, the Tea Party wanted to switch to a harder beverage for the upcoming 2012 election. Since Russia already has a Vodka Party, they were hard-pressed to find a replacement until they found us.

As a result of this partnership, The Free Loko Movement grows ever-closer to getting elected our first drunk-yet-energized president: Ted Hussein Four Loko. The scientists at Fort Loko are currently isolating the right genes to engineer the perfect candidate.

This goes beyond bringing back your favorite drink. We’re going to change the world. We believe that, once allowed free, the Four Loko party will make the two-party system obsolete in favor of something more utopian: The Party.

You’ll notice I left out the word “system.” That’s because by then we’ll have smashed it.

Tea Party four loko connection

This is what fed up looks like

Our Mission Statement

In association with Dale Robertson of TeaParty.org, we have drafted our preliminary mission statement (to be edited in the morning once we’re sober):

The Four Loko Party is a grassroots movement that brings awareness to any challenges to the ability for bros and hipsters alike to get their drink on without duress or government intervention in our beloved nation, the United States of America™.

From our founding, the Four Loko Party has been the voice of the true owners of the United States, WE THE PEOPLE. All we ask is the FDA and state governments IGNORE BIASED HEALTH STUDIES that claim Four Loko is unsafe. It is not unsafe: it is UNunsafe.

Many claim to be the founders of this movement — however, it was the brave souls of the men and women on November 17th, 2010, known today as Lokonacht, who dared defy the greatest single military force in the universe — the US Food and Drug Administration — by refusing to put down their malt liquor in the face of FDA firebombs and Panzer tanks.

We are the beneficiaries of their courage and the heirs to their courageous throne of bravery on which we proudly sit and make our stand. By joining the Four Loko Party, you are taking a stand for our nation. You will be upholding the grand principles set forth in the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights. Our right to party.

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on November 22, 2010 at 1:18 am, filed under Big Announcement, Feature Article, Four Loko, Tea Party. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

God Save the Loko

What’s happening to Four Loko now, HAS happened before.. .Today you shall be with me in paradise.

Four Loko Jesus

When Jesus was asked by his mother, Mary, to keep the party going, Jesus turned the wine into Cranberry Lemonade Four Loko. (Gospel of John, The Bible, © God, 3000 BC-200 AD)

Four Loko Angels

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on November 21, 2010 at 8:42 pm, filed under Four Loko, Know Your History, Real Truth. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

The Four Loko Frontier

The Daily Telegraph reports that: The president has refused to grant NASA funding for Mars, unless they build a special high speed presidential space ship for deep space excursions to the Moon for him and his wife.

If Obama wasn’t so worried about his own Moon trip, he would know that Four Loko doubles as a cheap jet fuel SIXTY NINE TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE than our current mixture.

Bros And Babes In Space

BROS AND BABES IN SPACE. This could’ve been our future.

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on November 20, 2010 at 6:06 pm, filed under Obama Administration is Wack, Real Truth. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Talking to your teen about Four Loko

In “Talking to your teen about Four Loko” this old out of touch honky claims that “alcohol consumption is [far more dangerous] for teenage drinkers.” Maybe, maybe not. I’m not a scientist.

But would you seriously trust this SLAVE OWNER to teach your kids about Four Loko?

Would you seriously trust this SLAVE OWNER to teach your kids about Four Loko?

This is how I’d teach my kids about Four Loko:

Merry Christmas Four Loko

Merry Christmas. They’ll be the only ones to survive the impending Chinese Invasion this December.

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on at 1:05 am, filed under Drinking Makes Teenagers Cool, Four Loko. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Write to the President

We need the Obama Administration to change its Four Loko Policy like right now. The only thing keeping Joe Biden from Plotting another 911 and redistributing America’s money to the Chinese is WHOLESALE DISSENT through the form of LETTER WRITING.

We wrote a letter that you can put your name on and send directly to President Obama. Just fill in the blanks and you’re done. And I got his address from the White House’s website so you can send it like right to his desk.

The President
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

If you’re really angry, consider rewriting the letter in ALL CAPS before you send it.

Hi President Obama,

It’s me, [INSERT FULL NAME]. It’s good to hear you are doing well, according to CNN. Fox News says you’re having a bad day, so I don’t know who to trust. I’m going to stay positive in these tough times though and assume you’re having a good day. Write back if this is incorrect.

I am writing to you because America is having a bad day. On November 17th, 2010, the Food and Drug Administration declared Four Loko “unsafe” due to the presence of caffeine and additives like taurine and guarana. I, [INSERT FULL NAME], find these additives allow me to get intoxicated enough to mingle without the pressures of sobriety, but keep me good enough to drive home afterwards (as long as there isn’t too much traffic).

After my fervent support of your Health Care reform policy, and after voting for you  several times in the last Presidential election, I find myself betrayed by your Four Loko policy. Have you tried it? It gets you drunk but keeps you alert at the same time, so you can do stuff with laser-like accuracy, like text all my ex-girlfriends without considering the consequences. It’s like liquid crack.

But unlike crack, Four Loko isn’t ruining our urban environments. If anything, Four Loko is making our urban environments better. Just like how America has Blacks, Whites, Asians, Indians, the other kind of Indians, Mexicans, Cubans (who, even though they look White, aren’t really White) and Puerto Ricans, Four Loko is also diverse, boasting a melting pot of flavors: Grape, Orange, Watermelon, Fruit Punch, Blue Raspberry, Lemon Lime, Lemonade and Cranberry Lemonade.

It’s probably like a metaphor about how all Americans are different but they’re still created equal (Thomas Jefferson, Declaration of Independence, National Archives, 1776). Loko is even a Mexican word, so repealing the prohibition on Four Loko will help US diplomatic relations like how ending Prohibition helped us win Pearl Harbor.

For all of the above reasons the Federal government should write Four Loko into the Laws of Congress and the State Regulations of Administration Departments. If you still aren’t convinced, it’s probably just because you haven’t tried the Cranberry Lemonade flavor yet. I, [INSERT FULL NAME], can buy you a can if you want. It’s the best flavor.

America has always been Cranberry Lemonade for 200+ years. Without Four Loko, we risk downgrading our great nation to the newly sanitized Sparks. Or worse: Night Train.

Lovingly Yours,

[INSERT FULL NAME]

Washington Correspondent

FreeLoko.com

Remember, the most important part is to fill in YOUR OWN NAME. Here is the Word Document so you can insert your name before you send it in. If you want to make it really official you can add a little Presidential seal to it like this

Try to spot all of the hidden symbols of the Illuminati

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on November 19, 2010 at 4:06 am, filed under Four Loko, Obama Administration is Wack, Useful Stuff. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

By Any Flavor Necessary

Malcom X contemplates purchasing Lemonade Four Loko or Cranberry-Lemonade Four Loko
Malcom X contemplates purchasing either Lemonade Four Loko or Cranberry-Lemonade Four Loko during his trip to Mecca

In recent weeks, a handful of Four Loko-related hospitalizations have occurred across the country, prompting the states of Michigan, Oklahoma, Utah, Washington and New York to ban sales of the drink.

Now that New York has fallen to Four Loko prohibition, there will be fighting in the streets to salvage the remaining cans. The best case scenario I can envision is a full-blown RACE WAR by tomorrow evening.

For those still alive, don’t be bitter. Instead, be vengeful. Defeat the FDA’S PSYCHIC SPIES who are brain controlling our senators.

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on at 2:56 am, filed under Four Loko, Race War Probable. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Four Loko Linked to AIDS? Contest

Good Samaritan handing out refreshing Four Loko right before he was carted away by the Secret Police for reprogramming
Good Samaritan handing out refreshing Four Loko right before he was carted away by the Secret Police for reprogramming

The FDA has concluded that Four Loko is “unsafe” for human consumption. “Acting early to protect public health is critical and a vital component of the Obama administration’s [public health efforts],” – FDA

I’m sponsoring a contest. The first person who can link Four Loko to Ebola, Breast Cancer, AIDS, Sleeping Sickness, or the Benjamin Button disease gets A BILLION DOLLARS .

And you know what… you’ll never get not one Krugerrand or Gold Doubloon from me. Because Four Loko doesn’t cause any disease except PARTYING.

Four Loko is as healthy as two Power Bars and like a whole stalk of broccoli.

What else is the FDA gonna tell us is unhealthy? Learning about the REAL TRUTH?

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on November 18, 2010 at 5:27 pm, filed under AIDS, Four Loko, Obama Administration is Wack, Real Truth. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

God Is Dead

Illumnati spies banning Four Loko
Illumnati spies banning Four Loko

The manufacturer of popular caffeinated alcohol drink Four Loko said Tuesday it will remove the caffeine from its products, pulling the blend off the market just as the Food and Drug Administration is poised to ban it.

Taking the caffeine out of Four Loko is like taking FREEDOM out of the BILL OF RIGHTS. This is just another chance for George Bush’s Secret Police to police my body. You can take the caffeine out of Four Loko but you can never take the willingness to get blackout drunk away from high schoolers.

That’s the REAL TRUTH that the liberal media is too afraid to tell you. Don’t waste your life watching DANCING WITH THE STARS when there’s real truth going on everywhere. What side are you gonna be on in the BATTLE FOR FOUR LOKO?

This entry was written by Angela Davis, posted on at 3:50 pm, filed under Four Loko, Prohibition, Real Truth. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

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